If I knew then what I know now
I have said these words too many times lately. I am on day three of significant back pain where I catch my breath with the slightest movement. This pain is well earned after countless years of running and endless miles with a 40lb ruck. When I was younger, I didn’t think about the long term effects of my decisions. I didn’t think that what I found as a rhythmic calming cadence of one foot falling after another would lead to compression in my spine, knee injuries, and long nights waking up in pain. Welcome to getting older! I had a dinner scheduled for tonight and was determined to continue with it even if it was difficult to move. Through the years I have learned to “fake it to make it” and this might be one of those nights. The girls had their “tribe” over that they have known since toddlers. It was wonderful to hear the house filled with laughter like so many days in the past. I sat with dear friends and we talked about my injury and I shared my regret of some of my life choices that led to pain today. Neither of them hesitated when they reminded me that at least I lived. That set me back and completely changed my perspective. Solomon reminds us that “with wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief” (Ecclesiastes 1:18, NIV). If I knew then what I know now would I have lived fully? Probably not.
Selfless versus Selfish
Rob and I sit on the front porch every morning to drink our coffee/tea. We have this wonderful bird feeder that brings in a variety of birds…and squirrels. The neat thing about it is that when a squirrel tries to eat from it, its weight closes the access to the bird seed inside the feeder. They still have access to the food that gets dropped by the other birds, but the majority of it is saved for the birds to eat since they lightly land on the feeder and don’t close the access to the bird seed. That is, they don’t usually close the access to the bird seed. In recent days, we have been visited by a large flock of starlings. Sometimes as many as 10-12 at a time. The Starlings are a bit larger than many of the other birds that grace us with their presence, and in larger numbers they all try to pile on the feeder at the same time. When they do, the access to the bird seed gets closed and they start fighting with each other to see who gets the bird seed. When only one or two are left, the others having left in frustration, the feeder becomes light enough again that they can access the bird seed. All they need to do for all of them to get the seed is to be patient and wait their turn. If they were more selfless, they would get their food. By being selfish and fighting with their fellow birds for the seed, the majority of them end up missing a meal. What a great illustration of the benefit of being selfless versus selfish. It is not about choosing to be selfless for your interest, but about being humble and valuing others above self. In doing so, the rewards often go above anything you could have gained while acting selfishly. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV).
Fear, It’s a real thing
1:00 am wake up, quickly followed by a 2:24 am wake up, a 4:42 am wake up and finally a 7:00 am wake up. Maybe you are able to sleep through the night before big days-not me. It usually begins with me dream scrolling all the things that were on my checklist and marking them off on my mental notepad. Once complete, I am able to sleep again for a little bit. Then I wake up again knowing that even though I checked everything off and did all that I needed to do, something is bound to go wrong or I must have missed something. The next wake up has usually expanded to everything else in my life and gone well beyond the one thing I had planned for that day and it all begins to spiral into an endless funnel of worry. Final wake up? It’s the sun rising reminding me that the day is inevitable and can’t be avoided. The crazy thing about last night is that today wasn’t a day to fear or be worried. It is a day of celebration and excitement but somehow, in my mind, I dwelled in all that could go wrong instead of the celebration and excitement side of things. Have you ever done that?
Godwinks become contagious
One of the unexpected joys I get from writing this blog are the wonderful conversations, emails, and notes I receive when people share the Godwinks in their lives. I get so excited when I hear other people sharing that their eyes are open to Godwinks and hear the eagerness in their voice as they share. When I started writing, I prayed that I would reach just one person with my writing. That someone, somewhere, would become passionated about God by hearing how God has and continues to work in my life. I never imagined the stories I would hear or how word would be spread. I never imagined how others would become bold in their faith and begin to share their stories, their testimonies, and their Godwinks. Peter encouraged early Christians and his words are relevant today, “Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander” (1 Peter 3:13-16, NIV). What better way to bring others to Christ than to share the hope we have in Him?
All is not lost, there is hope
After I studied the Old Testament in my theology coursework, I shared with one of my Chaplains in the military that it completely changed my perspective of the Old Testament. Many times, I have read the entire Bible in a year and I would sometimes dread the reading of portions of the Old Testament. It always felt so bloody, and bleak-and I am a warfighter! Then something happened, when I started studying instead of simply reading, I started seeing the Old Testament as one love story after another. So many times, we humans, God’s children have turned away from God. We have worshipped false idols, we have disobeyed clear commands, we have committed one sin after another even after personally witnessing God’s miracles. What does God do? God continues to forgive, to give us hope even after we fail Him time and time again. Has there ever been a better love story written? One of the major prophets Jeremiah warns the kingdom of Judah of their upcoming demise and invasion from Babylon. But his message does not end there, he shares a message of hope, of God’s love. “Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow” (Jeremiah 31:13, NIV). Even in delivering the message of darkness to come, God has Jeremiah give His people a message of hope and restoration. How is that not a beautiful love story?
She Speaks and Godwinks
There are moments, even days, when the Godwinks cannot be denied or ignored. I had one of those days on Friday. I signed up to attend my second She Speaks conference which is a Proverbs 31 conference for women who are seeking to write, speak, and share God’s word. I attended for the first time last year and quickly signed up for my next year. The night before the conference, I began to wonder why I was attending this year. I knew what I needed to do with my writing, I have a proposal I need to send to two publishers, and I am beginning my speaking engagements. Last year, I knew I was there to bring a friend so she could write. God made it clear that I was there because He wanted me there to push me in my writing. This year, I didn’t know why I was at the conference, I just trusted and obeyed as I walked through those doors. Shortly after walking in the conference room filled with 600 women, someone walked up to me and asked if I needed a seat for one just as I was pulling a chair out from another table. I pushed the chair in and sat at her table. That was the start of the Godwinks.
Scales removed from my eyes
I am playing a little catch up this week. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t quite get my three blogs last week. This was one I intended to write last week that I didn’t want to forget. I have doubts-I think if we are all honest with ourselves, we have all had doubts at one time or another. I have been prayerful, but wondered if what I prayed for was not what God had planned for me. I have questioned whether transformation, true transformation was really possible. The other night as I sat in prayer and opened my Bible, it opened to Acts 9, and I had my answer. How can we doubt transformation when you read about Saul? Saul went from persecuting all the followers of Jesus to proclaiming the name of Jesus to all who would hear. That is transformation. God chose Him and when God chooses us, what seems impossible becomes possible. The lost are found and true transformation surpasses understanding. Saul was blinded by God questioning him and his acts of persecution only to then be given his site as he is transformed. “Brother Saul, the Lord-Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here-has sent me so that yo may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again” (Acts 9:17-18, NIV)
Back again-the Book of Job
I mentioned I have changed how I read the Bible? Each night I hold the Bible in my hands as I close the day in prayer and I pray for God to guide my hands and to speak to me. This new habit has pulled me in to not just reading a chapter or verse, but finding it difficult to set the Bible down. I am definitely in a season of hungering to learn more. Last night, as I sat in prayer, I open the Bible and it took me towards the end of Job, not the beginning, but the end. I read how God reminded Job that He is all powerful and reminds Job to not question Him. He reminds Job of His works. Finally, God restores Job with “his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10, NIV). In this season, I have read the Book of Job several times and compared to myself to Job as well as his friend. I have said that my life felt like the life of Job and then corrected myself, because as much as I am dealing with trials, I am still very much in a season of abundance. You see, I can dwell on the negative or I can recognize the blessings that God has and continues to provide.
Not about the likes
Have you ever sat in church and just knew that the entire message was directed at you? That was me this past weekend. The Godwink part of it? The night before I had shared with one of the twins that I needed to grow my platform and work on followers to appeal to publishers more. A sidebar-I do not use TikTok nor have I ever intended to do that but as I was talking to the girls, they shared that is where a lot of social media growth occurs. The pressures to have an established platform and email lists in order to appeal to traditional publishers can be overwhelming. As I sat in church, I realized that those pressures have the risk of negating why I write. In the same week I received multiple text messages encouraging me to continue writing my blog and affirmation how some are even now seeing Godwinks where they had not seen them before. Isn’t that why I write? It is not about followers, it is not about likes-as our Pastor shared this weekend, Heaven doesn’t care how many like you had here on earth. He shared about the unsung heroes in the Bible-those that didn’t even write a book or may not even be named. I loved his last point that Heaven celebrates people that the Earth did not see. Can you imagine that in the world we live in today? What if we all chose to use our ordinary faith to encourage the faith in others, no matter the cost to ourselves? Epaphroditus is the first unsung hero in our study. In Philippians, Paul mentions him and says he will send him back. He states he was ill but God had mercy on him. He suffered, paid a price, for his faith. Then Paul closes with this and reminds us of where and when we will see our greatest joy-it is not about followers or being liked here on Earth. “So then, welcome him in the Lord with great joy, and honor people like him, because he almost died for the work of Christ. He risked his life to make up for the help you yourselves could not give me” (Philippians 2:28-30, NIV) Honor people like him because of their faith in Christ, because of their quiet and behind the scenes willingness to risk their own lives for the work of Christ and good of others. I think I would prefer to be that kind of hero than one that is measured by the number of likes on social media.
Timely messages
Sometimes I am in the middle of a Godwink and don’t even realize it. Other times, it is evident from the start. The other day I was driving to Wilmington for military duty to promote an officer on the battleship. I knew it would be a beautiful day and something to witness. As I was driving for hours in the early morning, one of my retired Duke employees kept coming to mind. He lived in Wilmington, along with many other people I knew, but only his name would not leave my thoughts. I decided to send him a text message and see if he could join me or if we could meet for lunch. He responded immediately that he was in Virginia and would have to miss. His brother had gone in for emergency brain surgery the night before. The Godwink? I haven't spoken to him since he retired. Months have passed since we last connected. What are the odds that I would be driving down the road to Wilmington, a place I had not been to in many months, on that day and reach out to him at the exact time he needed prayer for him and his family? I shared the news with our old team and I immediately knew the prayer warriors would go into action, and they did. His brother is still in recovery but day by day he is getting better. As I chatted with my friend days later, I shared the same story and reminded him that only God makes those connections in the exact time and place when they are needed most. I reminded him he was not, and would never be alone and to reach out anytime. There are several version of Proverbs 25, the NIV states “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in network of silver” (Provers 25:11, ASV), but I think I like the Message version “The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry” (Proverbs 25:11, MSG).