Fear, It’s a real thing
1:00 am wake up, quickly followed by a 2:24 am wake up, a 4:42 am wake up and finally a 7:00 am wake up. Maybe you are able to sleep through the night before big days-not me. It usually begins with me dream scrolling all the things that were on my checklist and marking them off on my mental notepad. Once complete, I am able to sleep again for a little bit. Then I wake up again knowing that even though I checked everything off and did all that I needed to do, something is bound to go wrong or I must have missed something. The next wake up has usually expanded to everything else in my life and gone well beyond the one thing I had planned for that day and it all begins to spiral into an endless funnel of worry. Final wake up? It’s the sun rising reminding me that the day is inevitable and can’t be avoided. The crazy thing about last night is that today wasn’t a day to fear or be worried. It is a day of celebration and excitement but somehow, in my mind, I dwelled in all that could go wrong instead of the celebration and excitement side of things. Have you ever done that? As I sat on the front porch this morning in the quiet of the day, I began to review the night and the overwhelming feelings that were weighing me down on this special day. I pulled open my early read of Lysa TerKeurst book, “Making Peace with What I Can’t Control” (highly recommended purchase) my eyes were quickly opened to the driving force behind the weight on my shoulders. It was fear. It was the desire to go back to my old habits of trying to control what I cannot and living in the deceptive world where I convince myself that something I did could possibly change any outcome or behaviors in others. It never has, and never will. The open house would not fall apart because I failed to remove a bath mat. People who wanted to come see the house would come whether it started to rain or not. I definitely could not stop the rain! The quote that resonated with me most? “My efforts to control do not prevent my fears from coming true.” Only God sees all things and controls all things, not me. “No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all their efforts to search it out, no one can discover its meaning. Even if the wise claim they know, they cannot really comprehend it” (Ecclesiastes 8:17, NIV)
I shared all that was going through my mind as Rob and I were driving to meet friends. As I shared, I felt the tears welling in my eyes and although I knew it defied logic, I kept expecting for things to go wrong. I put a name to it, it was fear. Fear of the unkown, fear that things may not turn out exactly as I expected. Then, Rob reminded me that our house hunting has not turned out as we expected either. It has been so much more. A dear friend found us the perfect home, and it wasn’t on the market. She didn’t let that stop her from asking, and well, here we are, planning a move into the home that was not possible less than a month ago. I can’t imagine a better illustration of my limiting view versus what God has in store for us. So, as I talked through the many wake ups, I began to feel a peace knowing that as much as my “controlling” behavior is a place of historical comfort, it is not real and it never brought me any peace or real comfort. You know what happened? All of us had an amazing day from celebrating birthdays and hanging with friends. And the open house hosted by my amazing kid? Couldn’t have gone better!
Today, I pray that if you find yourself in a place of fear, that you acknowledge it. We are not meant to be without fear, doubts, or anxieties. In doing so, I pray that you trust in God and turn those fears, doubts, and anxieties over to Him.
I pray these words spoke to you, please share with a friend. Don’t miss a blog post, subscribe to my web page.
