My family has always celebrated Three Kings Day. It is the closing out of the holiday season and represents the day that the three wise men, magi or kings visited Jesus. As a symbol of the gifts they brought, our family always celebrated with the largest or biggest gift. The night before, we would put out grass or hay and water for the camels. When we were small, we would put it in a shoebox in our apartment and place it beside our beds. Similar to Christmas Eve, we would wait in anticipation for their arrival and bringing of their gift.

What advice would you give your 19 year old self? That’s the question a young woman that I consider family asked me. I surprised myself when without hesitation I responded with “dream big.” The irony is when I was in her shoes, I was not focused on dreaming. I had plans, big plans. I knew that I wanted to go far away for college and I knew that I wanted to prove myself and succeed. My dream? I always wanted to write, in fact, I did write. But writing would not be a career, it was a hobby, a side gig. So, I pursued other things.

Sometimes it does feel like the endless cycle of closing out a year and starting new. I always reflect on the past year and complete what we in the military call an After Action Review, AAR. I review what was good and what needs some improvement. As I move towards the New Year, it’s always with high hopes of how this year will be different. I repeat the same mantra that I have learned and grown and I will be better this coming year. This year, it was different.

We just finished Lacey Rozell’s “What if We Pray” bible study in our neighborhood and as I sit here this evening, I am thinking about some of the changes in me from this study. I pray before meals, even in public places and work. I speak openly about my faith, my prayer life, my beliefs. I send prayer quilts from our church ministry when I hear of those that are undergoing medical issues regardless if I know if they are believers (I’ve not had one rejected!) When I thought of the question when do you pray, my answer is simple-when don’t I pray?

I love our tradition of Sunday family dinners. We started this weekly routine when my mom retired and moved close to us. We never know who will show for family dinner. Sometimes it is just Rob and I with the twins, other times grandparents will show, adult children, and friends. We also make extra food, just in case our family of four expands (I think our record to date is 12!) Attendance is often dictated by the menu offering of the day. Today was salmon and couscous. We start every meal with prayer and on Sundays, we also go around the table and share two roses and a thorn for the week.

When I woke up this morning the last thing I expected to see was the news that a rescue helicopter had crashed on Mt. Kilimanjaro killing all five on board. Two hikers, a guide, a doctor and a pilot. As I read the news blast, I was quickly reminded how close I came to not coming home from that same mountain. I prayed for those lost and could not imagine the Christmas their families would wake up to as I patiently waited for my teenagers to rise. And then, what inevitably enters the minds of survivors, I wondered why them and not me?

I have shared time and again that I don’t believe in coincidences. Nor do I believe that people enter our lives without intent or purpose. It may be a passing word or a pat on the back and we may never know how our actions affect others, but I believe God does. In our family, we remind each other to listen to the nudges…the God nudges. When we do, we see God in the here and now. When our eyes are opened, we the Godwinks everywhere.

I don’t know about you, but I love this season. I start enjoying our holiday season at the start of Thanksgiving where I shared we love breaking bread with family and friends. Our tradition of opening our home to others has continued through the years and as our children have gotten older, our invitation list has expanded with their friends