It’s been two years
I do this thing with my calendar. I not only keep birthdays, I also keep track of deaths. It may seem a bit morbid to some-but it’s what I do. I have an annual reminder of all the pets we have lost and when my reminder pops up, I take some time to reflect, look at photos, shed some tears, and sit in silence. I like the calendar notice so the busyness of the day does not push me to forget. Some dates don’t need reminders. Today is one of those days.
We lost Rob’s mom, Nancy, two years ago. She had been battling cancer among other things and had been in pain for a long time. Although we knew the time was near, I don’t think any of us are ever prepared for that call.
Rob and I were in Scotland where he took me for my 50th birthday. We were far removed from daily life but when we received the call from his brother, I felt the ground shift beneath me as the reality of the loss began to sink in. All I kept playing in my head was how we were going to let the kids know? They couldn’t find out from social media and I was horrified that we would have to tell them without being able to hold them and comfort them.
Nancy and I had a complex relationship. I think many Mother in Law/Daughter in Law relationships probably have that in common. I don’t think many daughters by wedlock will ever quite measure up to the expectations of what would ever be deemed good enough for their boys. I see the same unrealistic expectations in me as my children have grown to adulthood and young adults. Our relationship was complex, but not without love. I held her hand while she was suffering through her heart attack. I prayed with her for the thing she wanted more than anything in the world-the salvation of all her boys. I listened as she opened my eyes to seeing the Book of Revelation with hope versus dread and darkness. I miss her.
I cannot imagine she would want us to be sad. She would remind us that she is with her Heavenly Father and no loner in pain. I am sure she is wearing her favorite tank tops and shorts and that the temperature is just right, regardless of what the weather is like down here! I can imagine the garden she is tending-with no snakes.
I am sure all of you have lost someone close to you. You know the loss, the pain, it doesn’t go away but it does change. I find myself smiling as much as crying when I play back the memories of our time together. I can remember her how she was and not some ideal saint, but for the flawed yet amazing child of God she was. She loved God with all her being and wanted everyone to feel His love. Today, I write for her.
Nancy’s favorite chapter of the Bible was Psalms 23. Today, I pray you take a moment to read it and never forget the closing verse of hope- “and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalms 23:6, NIV).
